Browsing Category: motherhood

Well, I Guess I’m A Mom

For quite some time, I’ve been having teaching dreams–planning out lessons, giving my lessons, dealing with misbehavior, etc. Although they are annoying dreams, I’ve taken them to mean that I truly care about my profession and my students. I worry about them night and day. And that’s what makes me a teacher.
Well, I’ve started to have some unsettling mommy and baby dreams, and I haven’t even given birth yet.
My first dream was about a month ago. The baby came now–I am only 18 1/2 weeks…that’s not much. The baby was fully formed, although very small and weak. But there was some dream-logic health condition that required the baby being birthed then. So, I did. And then the doctors realized the baby was fine and suggested putting it back in. But I was nervous–would that help? would the baby survive? 
My second dream was a couple of weeks ago. The baby was born at the right time and in the right health. But, I had to go back to school–not teaching, but actual schooling for a grad program. Yet, it was at a boarding high school and I had to live there without my husband or baby…I don’t understand. Justin also had to continue with college, so he couldn’t take care of the baby. So, one of our good friends in our church volunteered to nanny our baby. I was so sad I couldn’t raise my baby.
Then, last night I had a scary dream. I was still pregnant–about as pregnant as I am now. My siblings, mother, and I were on a refugee plane, fleeing from a war area. But, it got shot down and the enemy started grouping us together. My sister and mother were put with the adults, and my brother and I (for some reason) were put with the minors–I guess I just looked like a pregnant teen in my dream. Well, they grouped all the babies together and they were crying. My brother (17) went to help calm down the younger children and I headed to the babies who were being piled up. One of the soldiers pushed me aside, noticed I was pregnant and said I was lucky I was already pregnant (scary innuendo). He took a baby and started bending it backward. I cried and begged him to let the baby go. Then, out of spite to me, or annoyance of the crying babies, he snapped the babies back. It went silent and he threw it aside and started coming to the rest of the pile. I was on my hands and knees crying. 
I woke up in the middle of the night crying. My husband heard and wrapped me in his arms. But, this morning, even now, that image of slaughtering babies and that gruesome snapping sound is still in my mind.
The only reason I can think of these dreams is because I am worrying about my unborn child.
As much as I would love, I doubt these dreams will ever, ever, ever go away. Once my child is born and has a face, it’ll be nightmares about them. I’ll worry about my child the rest of my life.
I don’t like it one bit, but, I guess it means I truly am a mom.
Tayler is a work at home mom. She does free lance articles and dabbles in graphic design and virtual assisting for bloggers. She spent 3 years as a history and English teacher. Her passions are her husband, two children, history, reading, nature, and her Savior, Jesus Christ.

Baby Bumpdate: Week 17

It’s beginning to look like a beautiful second trimester!

I will be honest. The first trimester was hard, but not in the way I was expecting. I wasn’t throwing up, I didn’t have unnatural cravings, and for all the times I got up in the middle of the night to pee, I still got plenty of sleep. But, there were trials. For one, I teach 45 minutes away. I was exhausted all day every day from the end of October to about Christmas break. Coming home at dinner time to a messy home (because I don’t have a lot of time to clean it) and lesson planning and family time, was extraordinarily hard. I had quite a few breakdowns. I felt sad, stressed, unmotivated, pathetic. I really, truly did. I was ecstatically excited that I was going to be a mom–one of my biggest dreams. But, I was mentally at my worst. I didn’t realize pregnancy could affect your self-mentality that much. I knew I’d be emotional, but I figured it’d be like a period. I knew there was such thing as postpartum depression, but I honestly feel like I had “pre-partum” depression. I was worn. And, I started to get nervous about being a full-time commuting teacher further on in the pregnancy.

However, I am getting better. Not only physically, but mentally as well (although physically much quicker). The nausea is all gone, and I’ve been able to sleep through the night for the past week or so. I also don’t have any more stomach pains. Even though I say that I had such a hard time, and am still struggling mentally a bit, I am happy and I have to remember that I am pretty darn lucky with this pregnancy. And I cannot wait to see if I am having a son or a daughter in a few weeks!



Side Effects

– I now have a permanent bump! It’s interesting…I’ve never had a bump of any kind before. Well, ya, sure a food baby for like an hour. But never a belly.
– I constantly feel full, but hungry at the same time. I still can’t eat a lot at once, but I do eat more often.
– Like mother, like daughter. My right arm tightens and constricts a lot–like the feeling you have after it’s been asleep for a while. But, it doesn’t fall asleep…
– Still a little bit of fatigue, but nowhere near as bad as 1st trimester.
– Beginnings of pregnancy brain. Just forgetting a few tiny things. Does more laziness/lack of motivation count as pregnancy brain?
– Snot like no tomorrow! I had the flu before Christmas Break, then a cold coming back, and I’ve just been stuffy since then. But, I’ve learned that being congested is part of the 2nd trimester.
Food Cravings
Sonic Chili cheese tots.  I made some homemade chili cheese tots and ate a bunch. But…they weren’t as satisfying as I wanted. So, my sister got me some real Sonic chili cheese tots…and I ate them. Less than half an hour after eating dinner. And I was happy.
– Sushi. I know, I know. I can’t have any uncooked sushi. But, I really want some.
– Pepsi. Now, I can have it…but I’m trying to stay away from caffeine during the pregnancy. I may end up caving and trying to see if a caffeine-free Pepsi will do anything for me.

Exciting Things
My pants are feeling a little tight. Now, to some, this wouldn’t be an exciting thing. But, for someone who has always had to wear a belt or pin up her pants, it is a little exciting. It’s proof that there really is a baby in there!
I felt the baby move earlier this week! A little rumble in my tummy and no noise…and it was more pinpointed than a stomach growling. Yaaay! It made me so excited!

I am also so excited that some of my friends are pregnant as well! One of my best friends ever is having a baby boy in April. A good friend from my church is pregnant for the 2nd time (she gave birth in like April or May) and she is due a week after me. My good teaching blogger friend, Brooke at Silver Lining, is due about a week before me! Another good blogger friend, after struggling with infertility, Jess from A Heart Full of Frost, is due in July as well. And….now my teaching blogger inspiration and idol, Bonnie from Life of Bon, has announced that she is also due in July! YAAAY! I can’t wait for July! We bloggers are gonna have so much fun!

Brooke, Jess, Bonnie, here is an idea…let’s make a July 2014 Baby club!

Tayler is a work at home mom. She does free lance articles and dabbles in graphic design and virtual assisting for bloggers. She spent 3 years as a history and English teacher. Her passions are her husband, two children, history, reading, nature, and her Savior, Jesus Christ.

Baby Bumpdate: Week 13

I’ve seen these done on numerous mommy blogs and I think it’s cute. I also thought it was very interesting to find out the weird food cravings (as well as side effects so I’d be prepared).
I’m not going to do the bumpdates every week simply because I don’t have time. But, I think every month would be fine to do.

Now, even though I am 5’7.5″, I am still quite petite for my height. Yes, I have muscle, but I’m very, very thin. So, I am barely getting a baby bump. Most people don’t notice it, but those who know my body well can start to tell. Because, really. Look at the picture…I look like I have an average weight and body shape now rather than looking anorexic (don’t worry…I’ve never been anorexic).

First Trimester Side Effects
– only threw up once (the morning after stuffing my face at Sizzler)
– nausea throughout the day most days (which sucks during school hours). But, we found that sniffing lemons and ginger really helps with the nausea.
– even more exhaustion than normal–like constant, perpetual exhaustion
– a feeling of “off-ness”
– bloating
– constipation, but Mini-Wheats helps a lot.

First Trimester Food Cravings
– Potstickers. I actually had this craving about the time of conception and for the entire first month (when I didn’t realize I was pregnant). As soon as we took a test and got a positive result, Justin immediately went out (late at night) to get some potstickers because it was an official craving.
– Corn Flakes

First Trimester Food Aversions or Food That Do Weird Stuff to Me
– pumpkin
– lasagna
– not craving a lot of chocolate (and I’m a chocoholic)

I am very thankful that the first trimester is over. I’ve heard and read numerous places that the second trimester is sort of a “break”–you get your appetite and energy back and the nausea starts to disappear.
So, here’s hoping!

Tayler is a work at home mom. She does free lance articles and dabbles in graphic design and virtual assisting for bloggers. She spent 3 years as a history and English teacher. Her passions are her husband, two children, history, reading, nature, and her Savior, Jesus Christ.

Christmas Announcement

Today is the last day of school! Yaay!
It’s been a whirlwind of a week–coming home from Vegas without any lesson plans for the week completed, getting caught with the flu, having my husband catch the flu…ya, it’s been tough.
But, my parents came over to take care of us. They brought soup and medicine and tissues and cranberry juice. They cleaned our kitchen and family room.
So, our house is all homey and inviting and Christmas-y again!
I love this tree. It’s a hand-me-down from some college friends and came pre-lighted. It’s completely mismatched, but that’s what makes it special. Half the ornaments are mine. Every year, my Grandma would give each of the grandkids an ornament. And, this year, I was invited to be part of the Morrell Ornament Gift Exchange. The whole idea is to hand-make ornaments. So, I received 2 dozen adorable homemade ornaments. I love it. They are each so special and pretty and mean so much to me. I’d rather prefer this kind of tree, than one that is overdecorated and uniform.
And, to those who waited (and those who’ve already seen on Facebook and Instagram), yes I am pregnant. I am 11 weeks now and the due date is July 11th.
Look at my baby! It was so exciting to see it during the ultrasound. I could see the whole baby move with its heartbeat. I was/am so happy. And, I’m kind of ecstatic to join the ranks of blogging moms!
Now, I was asked a few times how in the world was I able to get an ultrasound at only barely 10 weeks? Well, my OB has a miniature ultrasound machine that he carries with him. He wanted to get dates and sizes, but he couldn’t find the baby on his machine. So, he sent me with a referral to a larger facility to get a real ultrasound. My instructions were to drink 32 ounces of water an hour before the ultrasound. Drinking was the easy part, keeping it in was hard–I have a small bladder. I was about to die by the time we actually had the ultrasound. But, the nurse, even with the full machine, still had a hard time finding the baby. That is because I have a retroverted uterus…my uterus is posterior facing. 
But, the baby is there. And that is what matters. And I’m going to be a Mom and Justin is going to be Dad! So excited!
Tayler is a work at home mom. She does free lance articles and dabbles in graphic design and virtual assisting for bloggers. She spent 3 years as a history and English teacher. Her passions are her husband, two children, history, reading, nature, and her Savior, Jesus Christ.

The Type of Mother I Want to Be

A blogging friend of mine, Kate from Raising the Rogers, invited me to be part of a link up today. The topic is What Kind of Mother Are You? Well, I’m not a mother yet, and Kate knows this, so she asked me to answer what type of mother I hope to be.

I’ve thought about this for numerous weeks. What type of mother do I want to be? How much do I want to be like my mother? What do I want to teach my children? What is most important to me? Then I realized something big about my own personality. My life revolves around Industry. 
Now, I don’t mean being a workaholic and making as much money as possible–that’s not what I want to instill in my children. No.
I’m thinking of Benjamin Franklin’s virtue of Industry (he has 12 others, sort of like his own Happiness Project, which I think I’ll talk about in a different post). 
“Lose no time. Be always employed in something useful. Cut off all unnecessary actions.” -Benjamin Franklin
Dictionary.com:  energetic, devoted activity at any work or task; diligence
I am talking about Franklin’s holistic view of industry. That is what I want to teach my children–to not necessarily always be doing something, but be engaged in working toward something. And, I want to teach it to the in 4 different areas (listed least important to most important).

(This is not the only thing I want to focus on as a mother, but it is what came to my mind today.)

When I first got my driver’s license at age 16, my mom handed me the keys to the car and told me to go out and search for a job. I did and I have been working ever since. My dad has always had at least one job. He taught me the determination of “pounding the pavement”  until I got the best job I could. I want to continue these teachings to my children. Because of my parent’s philosophy of working hard, I felt I could be independent, and I was. I graduated college without any debt, went on a study abroad to Great Britain, maintained a 3.8 GPA and juggled 3 jobs. All my siblings right now have a job, including my 13 year old sister who babysits. If my children can understand the importance of working and being able to rely on yourself and depend on yourself, making you independent, they will grow up that much more mature.

I want my children to grow up with the peaceful feeling of a nice, clean, organized home. Their home should be their safe spot, their refuge. I have started a series on femiology.com called “A House of Order” to help relay my ideas and knowledge of organization. But, I wouldn’t have this knowledge if my parents hadn’t taught it to me. Before kids get jobs, they need to already know how to do hard work. I learned to clean and help with chores at an early age. Of course, they were age appropriate. I didn’t start scrubbing bathrooms until I was almost in middle school. But, I learned why it is important to keep a clean house and I want to help my children understand they can be more relaxed and less stressed if their rooms are clean and the dishes are done. Then, I won’t have to worry about how they will do on their own. As a freshman in college, I had numerous roommates ask me how to do dishes or a load of laundry or how to scrub the toilet! I want my kids to know and prepared.

As a teacher who will eventually be a mom, I want my children to know that their parents only expect them to do the best they can. If that is straight A’s, wonderful. If it is C-s and D+s and they gave it the best effort they could exert, , than what more can we ask of them? I was a straight A student in grade school, but I remember in 9th grade with my first AP course, I got a D on one of my report cards (in history, no less!). I was so scared of what my parents would think and say and thus, how they would punish me. But, when my mom saw, she said, “It is ok, hon. Everyone is bound to have a bad term.” She knew how much effort I had put into the class and she wasn’t disappointed. She felt bad because how I felt, but that was all. I want to teach my children I won’t be disappointed in them if they try their best.

More than that, though, I want them to always be trying to improve themselves. As a Mormon, our family and home will be centered on Christ. We will go to church every Sunday. We will have family prayer and family scripture reading every day. I will teach them the lessons, virtues, and standards of our church and how to be a tolerant, loving Christian. But, I want them to take it into their own account as well. I want to teach my children the importance of independent daily prayers and scripture reading. I want them to know how much I love my Heavenly Father and Savior and how much I depend on them. I want them to follow that example and get to know their Heavenly Father and Savior as well as I am getting to know them.
Industry also includes hobbies and talents. And I don’t mean videogames. Yes my husband and I are gamers and yes, we will probably play videogames with our kids, but that is not being industrious. I want them to find a self-improving hobby and grow their talents. Whether it be arts and crafts, music, sports, writing, or some other talent, I want them to find their niche and I want them to shine. I want them to be diligent and determined. I want them to always be improving some aspect in their life.

I want to instill the concept that Charity is the true love of Christ. To be truly Christian, we must love and serve our brothers and sisters and neighbors. I want to somewhere, have these scriptures showing in our home:

1 Corinthians 13:4  Charity suffereth long, and is kind; charity envieth not; charity vaunteth not itself, is not puffed up.
Moroni 7:46-47 (found in the Book of Mormon) Wherefore, my beloved brethren, if ye have not charity, ye are nothing, for charity never faileth. Wherefore, cleave unto charity, which is the greatest of all, for all things must fail—
But charity is the pure love of Christ, and it endureth forever; and whoso is found possessed of it at the last day, it shall be well with him.
I want to teach my children the importance of loving everyone and being tolerant of others. I did not grow up in Utah, being a military brat, and I met and became friends with people from all walks of life. They all have their failings, but so do I. They all have wonderful characteristics that I could only hope for. That is what I want my children to see–the good in everyone. I want my children to be willing to reach out a helping hand to someone who is hurt or in need. I want my children to be willing to make friends who can’t very easily. I want my children to be loving.
In trying to teach the concept of Industry in these 4 areas, in trying to get my children to be “always employed in something useful”, to be actively engaged, to be diligent in their doings, I feel that my children will grow up happy and successful.
After looking back at this, and looking back at Benjamin Franklin’s 11 Virtues (Temperance, Order, Resolution, Frugality, Moderation, Industry, Cleanliness, Tranquility, Silence, Sincerity, Chastity, Humility), my definition of Industry becomes a blanket term for all of these virtues. Maybe, to make it easy on myself, I’ll just read them Benjamin Franklin’s Autobiography in which he goes into detail of trying to achieve all these virtues and tell them to be like him. (I’m only half kidding, but I do think I want to read this to them and have them be aware of it, as well as the concept of a Happiness Project throughout their lives).

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Tayler is a work at home mom. She does free lance articles and dabbles in graphic design and virtual assisting for bloggers. She spent 3 years as a history and English teacher. Her passions are her husband, two children, history, reading, nature, and her Savior, Jesus Christ.