Confessions of a New Mom

Before I had a baby, I thoroughly believed I was prepared and knowledgeable.
I’m the oldest of 4 and had fed, played with, rocked, and changed many a diaper before.
I had a breast feeding book and both What to Expects
I read plenty of mom blogs and did research.
I don’t want to say I was cocky, because I wasn’t, but boy, was I in for a rude awakening.
He’s such a serious sleeper…it’s so funny!
This post is about my feelings of being inadequate as a new mom. So, if you don’t want to read it, be content with the adorable picture of Rhys sleeping. He’s the cutest boy on earth!
  • When Rhys was first born, and for the first two and half weeks, I was able to read Rhys’s cues very easily–they were pretty obvious–and be able to tell his cries apart. I was so proud of myself! Since the beginning of this week, that has been harder to do. Sometimes I don’t know how to console him anymore. I do use a pacy, but I try to use it as a very last resort and a sleep aid, but I hate relying on it to help him calm down.
  • There was some initial latching issues when Rhys was first born, but thanks to my sister-in-law, who is a lactation specialist, we were able to get on the right track and Rhys has an awesome latch (and can even do it in the dark!). But, now, especially the last 36 hours or so of feeding, Rhys has been really fussy while eating. I don’t know if he’s gassy, I have to fast of a let-down, he’s full, overly tired…
  • Rhys spits up about twice per feeding and then again within an hour and half of feeding. He’s still gaining weight, and seems content afterwards, but sometimes, he’ll cough or wheeze and then cry as he is spitting up or afterwards. It really does concern me. To a first-time mom, it’s a little nerve-wracking. I don’t know if he’s gassy, getting too much foremilk as opposed to hindmilk, eating too much…
  • People (and books, blogs, forums) tell me to follow my instinct. Well, my instinct was to follow the 3-hour schedule Rhys, himself, began. It went pretty well, but his fussiness and spitting up is causing me to rethink my instinct. Is he getting enough wake time? Tummy time? Sleep time? Eating too much or too little. For the rest of the week, I’m going to try just plain on-demand feeding and see if it helps him at all. But the point is, I’m not sure I trust my instinct–I’m not even really sure what my instinct really is when it comes to him.
  • I sometimes wonder why I even bother dressing him or myself every day. Without fail, by noon, he’ll either have spit up or peed on us and I’ll have to change our clothes.  A lot of times, once he soils his onesie, he just goes naked with a diaper for the rest of the day. As for me, I have to change. But I feel my wardrobe is very limited in being baby-disaster and breastfeeding friendly. I’ve been re-wearing the same 5 tank-tops every day, but the thing is, as a Mormon, I do wear those “sacred underwear”, so I have to keep a cardigan beside me for when I go near windows or outside. I want to wear something else. Mormon or non-Mormon, what do you wear when breast-feeding that is modest (covers the shoulders, no open back or belly, no cleavage)?
  • I’ve heard people get voracious appetites after giving birth, especially if they’re breastfeeding. And, I know I should consume an extra 500 calories to help my milk supply. But, honestly, my appetite has been diminishing.
  • I miss being able to go out to town easily, without any worries. Justin is still in school (for the next few weeks), and I get cabin-fever very easily. Last summer, I worked part-time, ran, and just went on “errands”. It’s a bit harder to do that spontaneously with a new baby.
  • Don’t get me wrong, I absolutely love all the time I spend with Rhys. I love watching him sleep. I love hearing all his noises. I love holding him and having him half-smile at me. I love having him close to me. But, this has been, by far, the least productive summer ever! And, to my very Type A personality that always feels like I should be doing something productive, it does eat at the back of my mind. Which makes me start to wonder how in the world I’m going to do part-time after my maternity leave?!?!
I look at the first-time moms in my church and they just seem so peaceful. I don’t know how they do it, or if they just hide all their anxiety from the world. I’m sure in a few weeks/months, I’ll feel like a pro with these issues, but then feel insecure and worrisome about new issues. I guess we’ll see. I’ll get the hang of this mothering thing eventually.
But, in all seriousness… I want to get a breast-feeding friendly wardrobe! 
What did you wear when you were breastfeeding and where did you buy it?

Tayler is a work at home mom. She does free lance articles and dabbles in graphic design and virtual assisting for bloggers. She spent 3 years as a history and English teacher. Her passions are her husband, two children, history, reading, nature, and her Savior, Jesus Christ.

  • Melissa Sarno

    I'm only 7 months into this gig but I remember how hard the first 2 months were. It sounds like you're doing all the right things and feeling all the normal inadequacies (HA). I will say, at 6 months O finally stopped spitting up during or after every feeding and he is perfectly healthy. I basically lived in spit up (still do) so I reccommend you go with your instinct on that one (meaning if it doesn't feel right talk to a doctor or someone, if it feels right just keep going.) As far as nursing friendly attire…this is the bane of my existence. Please let me know what you discover! I determined I really like to just wear stretchy shirts I can pull around the boob or flow-y shirts so I can just stick him under. Honestly, pulling a regular shirt up and sticking him on has been easiest for me, rather than redefining my wardrobe since Nothing has been a perfect solution. I'm eager to see what you find. As far as nursing covers go, I really like The Peanut Shell cover. Although lately I'm the crazy person in the park with my boob out cause I just can't be bothered anymore. Ha! Good luck with everything Mama. It's fun reading this as we go through it together : )

  • Nothing wrong with a naked baby, especially in the summertime, they love not wearing clothes! 🙂 My mama usually wore flowy cotton button-ups when she was nursing`so she could just unbutton them easily but they were still cool enough for the tropical heat. I have no doubt that when we have kids I will have my moments of paranoia–just a few months ago my sis-in-law had her 4 month old outdoors, we were all going hiking, and she hadn't put any sunscreen on him, so I was like, "Oh, I happen to have some baby sunscreen in my purse, do you mind if I put some on him?" haha–overly protective auntie alert? Honestly it's probably a cultural thing–I'm white and of course I believe babies should be very well protected from burning by the sun, I don't think Mexicans are quite as frightened of sunburn…

  • Kimberly

    Okay, I have so much to say! And you can tweet me questions any time. I had a VERY spitty baby with Olivia, so I know the frustrations of that. But the amount they are spitting up is probably very small. Just think of splattering a tablespoon of ketchup in your kitchen, it can really make a mess!

    This is also about the time that colic kicks in. If a pacifier helps him calm down, don't feel bad AT ALL for using it. I used pacifiers like crazy until my kids are 18 months and then I make them leave them in bed. It's a very easy transition. I'm still not sure when I'm going to take Axel's away for good.

    Breastfeeding friendly clothes are HARD!! I did not wear garments until I felt super confident nursing. I get so much anxiety that dealing with another layer was just making me crazy. After a few weeks, when I started wearing garments again, I would nurse by pulling my shirts down. Which means that all of my tops had to be somewhat low cut. Obviously still covering my g's, but not a high neck. I found it to be way more discrete and modest than pulling a shirt up. Button up tops would have been nice but they are hard to fit over huge boobs. I don't know if you were following me back when I did my 30×30 fashion challenge last May, but I was nursing Axel 7-8 times a day then and so I have a lot of "nursing friendly" outfits there. http://olivethethings.blogspot.com/search/label/30%20x%2030%20Challenge

    Seriously, it's a HUGE adjustment. Enjoy you're time being "lazy" (watching shows on Netflix all day) because when you have a second kid you wont get to. It will only be one baby one time. It's awesome.

  • Everything you are feeling is normal!! Keep your chin up, it gets better. (But be ready, from everyone I've talked to and my own experience it seems like it gets a bit worse until about 6 weeks and then starts getting better. So if it does seem to get worse for a little bit, it's normal.)

    I'm sure you are doing a great job! Mommy instincts are tough because I think it's also human nature as a mom to second guess yourself. And then second guess again, and go back to what you first thought…

    They do make some nursing tops that have a side slit- try to find those in the store and see how you like them. Another idea is to cut holes in a plain tank top and then wear a shirt over it that you can lift up. So your belly/back are covered by the tank top and shoulders, etc are covered by the 2nd top. This might be a little more of a pain when the weather is warm but it's cheaper than buying specific nursing tops.

  • If you haven't ready, you may want to check with your Peditrician about Rhy's spitting up.
    Sadly, I don't have any tips or suggestions on breast feeding clothes.

  • Well, 6 weeks isn't that far off!
    Thanks for the advice!

  • The thing with the pacies are my little sister had an arsenal of pacies…2 in each hand and 2 in her mouth and she KNEW when one was missing…I don't want to end up like that.
    I still feel a little awkward wearing G's with a nursing bra….
    I'll definitely look back at your old posts. I was following you back then, but I don't remember what you wore!

  • That's the hard thing about sun…my family does have a history of cancer, and with my baby being a redhead like me…but, he did have jaundice the first week of his life, so we've been trying to give him as much indirect sunlight as possible. We go for walks every day (to grab the mail, and around the townhome neighborhood) and a lot of the time, I'm pulling the hood up over the stroller!

  • Rhys is still gaining weight, so I'm not nervous about health…I just wonder if he has reflux or something. Thankfully, we'll be going to the pediatrician tomorrow!

  • Christine

    Being a new mom looks so scary! I appreciate women like you who are willing to be open about their struggles, because then I feel like I get a better idea of what to "really" expect if my husband and I decide to do the family thing. I hear it's all worth it, but it's good to know what we would be getting ourselves into! Even though it kind of seems like one of those things you can't understand until you do it. :-/

    Also, my blog has been set on private for a while now, but it's back on "public" now and I would love if you would follow me! http://www.webbnewlyweds.blogspot.com. Thanks!

  • All the worries are definitely worth it. I love being a mom and I love my son to death!