Running Suicides

As an athlete, I have had my fair share of these aptly named drills–Suicides!

But I have been lucky enough not to have to subject myself to this “death run” since I was on the Varsity volleyball team in high school 3 1/2 years ago.

However, it is turning spring. I am on an intramural soccer team. During the whole school year, I have slacked off in my eating habits and my running habits.

I want to train myself again. Train myself in perseverance, in determination, etc.

Saturday, I went running–a short run to a nearby park. I stopped to stretch by the empty parking lot. The lines reminded me of the lines on the volleyball court I had to run back and forth between. Back and forth and forth and back.

Before I knew it, I was standing on the 1st white line of the parking lot with the Training Montage from the Rocky Story on my iPod. I was running a suicide!!!

Why? I asked myself after. Why would I do that if I didn’t have to?
My legs burned after only one suicide. I was out of breath. Slowly, I made my way to the grass to work on curlups.

I was about about to leave to finish my run home, when, again!, I found myself with “Training Montage” playing just as I suddenly appeared at the first white line again. I told myself, “No,” but my feet begged to run past the white line.

So, I ran a second suicide.

Though this time I could breath easy, my legs had melted. Ground and leg became the same, became fused. Finishing my last double-back, time slowed as I inched toward the starting line.

Why?

My legs are still sore today, but I’m glad of it. I’m just not used to running suicides anymore.

And now, I’ve found a new method of torture when running:
Today, when I ran, I did 25 ups and downs on a 25 step staircase south of campus. Not to bad, honestly, but by the end, my fastest speed was slower than those walking down the steps.

Why?

Because I want to get back into shape. Because I’m crazy. Because I know I can. Because I’m “suicidal.”

Take your pick! =)

ABC’s of Me

I am a copycat.
 I see things I like, and I use them. On facebook I copy my friends’ notes and do them myself.
Here is another example. A previous roommate of mine has a fashion blog, but also does some silly posts–such as this one. I liked it and decided to steal it.
Now you can get to know me better!

(A)ge: 21
(B)ed size: Twin
(C)hore you hate: Scrubbing the tub, all others, I’m ok with
(D)ogs: Allergic to most of them, sadly. But, I would like a medium sized, active puppy
(E)ssential start of your day: Scripture reading while eating breakfast
(F)avorite color: ORANGE! (then green and purple)
(G)old or silver: Silver
(H)eight: 5’7″ (and a half!)
(I)nstruments I play (or have played): Piano for a couple years, violin for 2 years. (Look at my post: Violinist)
(J)ob title: Family, Home, and Social Science (FHSS) College Writing Lab (writing tutor) and Stand Leader for Concessions
(K)ids: Hopefully someday soon. As many as I am meant to have.
(L)ive: Right now, too bad, you don’t get to know. After I graduate, hopefully in the east (VA or New England), possibly even in Great Britain to teach.
(M)om’s name: Julia
(N)ickname: Tanney–my pen name!
(O)vernight hospital stays: Nope, but plenty of ER visits
(P)et peeve: Show-offs
(Q)uote from a movie: “It’s human to make mistakes Merlin, and part of you is human, the best part.”
(R)ight or left handed: Right
(S)iblings: Two younger sisters, one younger brothers.
(T)ime you wake up: 7AM
(U)nderwear: duh yes.
(V)egetables you dislike: Spinach and mushrooms
(W)hat makes you run late: Fixing my hair or finishing packing my lunch
(X)-rays you’ve had done: Teeth, wrist, shoulder, ankle
(Y)ummy food you make: Welsh cakes, snickerdoodles
(Z)oo animal: Monkeys

Hallelujah

This is one of my favorite songs, ever! I love music that goes with it, the soft, lingering sound that fits lyrics by Rufus Wainwright perfectly. The first time I ever heard it was watching Shrek. Then, I heard it on the radio. Then one season of American Idol, someone sang it. (Don’t remember who or when.) It became one of my favorite songs ever. But then, last year in Welsh class, we listened to the Welsh version. The Welsh language is kown for its poetic and singy form. It is a musical language in its purest state. I fell in love with it even more. But, the lyrics are widely different than the English ones.

English Lyrics:
I’ve heard there was a secret chord
That David played, and it pleased the Lord
But you don’t really care for music, do you?
It goes like this
The fourth, the fifth
The minor fall, the major lift
The baffled king composing Hallelujah
Hallelujah, Hallelujah, Hallelujah, Hallelujah
Your faith was strong but you needed proof
You saw her bathing on the roof
Her beauty and the moonlight overthrew you
She tied you to a kitchen chair
She broke your throne, and she cut your hair
And from your lips she drew the Hallelujah
Baby I have been here before
I know this room, I’ve walked this floor
I used to live alone before I knew you.
I’ve seen your flag on the marble arch
Love is not a victory march
It’s a cold and it’s a broken Hallelujah
Hallelujah, Hallelujah, Hallelujah, Hallelujah
There was a time you let me know
What’s really going on below
But now you never show it to me, do you?
And remember when I moved in with you
The holy dove was moving too
And every breath we drew was Hallelujah
Hallelujah, Hallelujah, Hallelujah, Hallelujah
Maybe there’s a God above
But all I’ve ever learned from love
Was how to shoot at someone who outdrew you
It’s not a cry you can hear at night
It’s not somebody who has seen the light
It’s a cold and it’s a broken Hallelujah
Hallelujah, Hallelujah, Hallelujah, Hallelujah
Welsh Translation
The White Star in a fist of steel,
There’s a shadow of a gun over Bethlehem,
No white angel singing “Hallelujah”.
Raising the walls, closing the doors,
Turning their backs on the value of the miracle,
The night’s so dark on the streets of Palestine.
Hallelujah, Hallelujah, Hallelujah, Hallelujah.
There’s a barb-wire circling the cradle,
And a scar where once was the World’s creator,
Hope is weeping – on it’s knees.
Guilty – each and every one of us,
Holding Mankind’s coat –
While he destroys every trace of “Hallelujah”.
Hallelujah, Hallelujah, Hallelujah, Hallelujah.

The night is dark, The night is long,
Yet there are some that see the truth,
They know the message is more than words;
That from the darkness comes the dawn,
and the music brought the walls down.
There came the hour for us to sing, “Hallelujah.”
Hallelujah, Hallelujah, Hallelujah, Hallelujah.

I find it very interesting that the English version is about broken love, whereas the Welsh version is truly about the sadness of the world, probably the real reason David wrote all his psalms. Either way, the song is beautiful.

English Version 
Welsh Version

Myers-Briggs Personality Test

I am a writing tutor at my college. Actually…I’m two different kinds of writing tutors:

The first is called Writing Fellows. In pairs or small groups, we help one specific class, and split the students between us. We help them with two papers for the entire semester. I also have to take a class for this job called Writing and Pedagogy.

I also work in the Family, Home, and Social Science College Writing Lab. We do cold reads and help whoever needs it then and there. But we only cater to majors within the college, such as history, anthropology, political science, family life, etc.

***
In class for Writing Fellows, we learned about different types of tutors and tutees. We took the…
Myers-Briggs Personality Test
My Result: ESTJ
We applied this to tutoring. We were given a handout on how each piece of the personality (each of the four letters) affected how we write, how we read, and how we tutor. For my blog, I want to discover how I write.
Extroverted:
1) Talk about my ideas, writings. YES!
2) Interview. NO!
3) Find clarity the further I get into the paper (my ideas are a little muddled in earlier paragraphs). YES!
4) Outline more easily after the first draft, rather than before. Sometimes…
5) Like to discuss after a draft to realize what I need to change. Sometimes…
 
Sensing:
1) Genearte ideas from direct experience or observation. Sometimes…
2) Digest data before going to abstarct concepts. Yes!
3) Linear, step-by-step writing process. YES!
4) Most comfortable following “tried and true” writing formats. Sometimes…
5) Say things clearly, direclty, simply. YES! (for academic papers – not my creative writing)
6) May need to strengthen central themes or ideas and streamline date. NO!
7) may need to delay focusing on mechanics until their final revision. YES!!
 
Thinking:
1) Choose topics that are intellectually intersting. YES!
2) Prefer to maintain emptional distance from their topic. NO!
3) Focus more on the logical push of their argument. YES!
4) Make conclusions based on objective criteria or principles. YES!
5) Use structure to develop ideas; revise by adjusting structure. YES!
6) May negelct audience. No!
7) True/false or just/unjust. Sometimes…
 
Judging:
1) Limits topics quickly. YES!
2) Work on a set schedule, one project at a time. YES!
3) State conclusions and then develop argument. YES!
4) May begin writing before I’ve adequately researched my topic. NO!
5) Writing tends to be very focused and decisive as well as highly organized. YES!
6) May need to revise by expanding topc and qualifying some statements. Sometimes…
7) May also need to more thoroughly analyze my topic. NO!

 

If you are interested in finding out what personality type you are, go to:

…A Fairy Tale

Hanging above my bed is a poster that reads, “Every life is a Fairy Tale written by God’s fingers.” This is my favorite quote. It is also what I try to live my life as. It also named this blog.

This summer, my life was a fairy tale. I was where I had always wanted to go. I was where my imagination lived, where my heart lived, where my muse lives.

It is snowing right now, pretty heavily. But, I am listening to the last song on Braveheart – the one where he dies – it is called, “Freedom.” Braveheart is James Horner’s opus.  Now, is Adiemus by Karl Jenkins. This new genre of music was creating by Welshman Jenkins. He wanted to create a mystical tribal sounding music, one that lifts and allows the listener to soar through the skies. Now you can hear it in many fantasy movies, such as Disney’s Atlantis, Avatar, Star Wars, etc.

I worry too much about money and school. I don’t have enough money to support myself, I don’t have enough scholarship to make much difference. I hardly ever get scholarships…true, I have half tuition, but every sinlge other scholarship or writing contest I enter, I don’t ever succeed. What does that tell me about my writing? School is the same. I can’t take as many classes as I want – I have to finish my major, which restricts my choices for history and writing classes I want.

My novel has been in my head for over 7 years now. Just a bare rough, hand written draft exists. I never have time to write it. But that is just my opus. What about all the other books I have in mind? What about the historical fictions I want to write – when can I ever research them. To be a better writer, you need to be a better reader. I don’t have time to read for myself. I haven’t read a fictional book since I was in Wales over the summer – that’s six months ago.

I am Mormon, yes, but I am strange. Although I would never practice it, Celtic paganism intrigues me. I love the culture and atmosphere of it all – wizards, dragons, magic. The knowledge that you and nature are connected, and thus, you have greater power. Nature allows you to achieve things only though impossible by others – the power of magic. I truly believe humans have capabilities far beyond their potential. We are all sons and daughters of God, so we have His power, although we have not yet grown into our inheritance. No, I don’t think this God-like power is magic or superpowers, but I do believe it is something similar in nature – it is more than we are. Maybe that is why I am pulled so hard into Celtic culture.

I want my life to be a fairy-tale. I don’t want to worry about whether or not my next paycheck will be enough to pay rent. I don’t want to worry if the class I am I in will allow me to get a scholarship or be useful in my career. True, I want to teach, but I also want to live. My friend Jonathon posted on facebook the other day that he feels like he wants to just move to Europe and live with the gypsies. Jonathon, I can tell you now, you aren’t the only one. Sometimes, especially this year, I would sometimes imagine what would it be like if I could just have a “temporary” break from college, “temporary” break from life – from bills and essays. What would it be like if I moved to England, lived in a small flat, and just traveled? I would read all I wanted: classics, fantasy, adventure, romance, history. I would write all I wanted; all my novels and ideas would actually form on paper. I would travel all I wanted to; I would see castles, I would visit battlefields, explore forests, cross islands, climb mountains, tour cities. I would truly then be living a Fairy Tale.

Then, I come back to reality and I realize, I am still either in the preface, author’s note, or even introduction to my Fairy Tale. These sticky, analytical, hard to write pieces of the book are times I just have to push through until my life can actually begin. Not only do I want to create fantasy for others to read, but I also want to start my own Fairy Tale.