Tag Archives: goals

My Biggest Fear

For the longest time, I thought my biggest fear was losing friends, but I realized that it is just a part of a bigger fear, a fear that constantly holds me back.

“Our greatest glory is not in never falling but in rising every time we fall.”
-Confucius

I am afraid of failure. In anything. In everything.

This is why I only took IB History and IB English in high school, rather than the entire IB program. I was afraid. I was afraid of not doing well. I was afraid of not understanding. I was afraid that I wouldn’t be able to succeed.

This is why I gave up the Honors Program–I wasn’t caught up on my Great Works, I didn’t want to take a math class (I am honestly, quite deathly afraid of math), I didn’t want to kill myself working on an honors thesis during my first year of teaching.

This is why I was a little nervous to date last semester, after having my heart broken. The whole year before, I had boys break up with: I wasn’t worth it, I was too distant, I was too clingy. I could never be a good girlfriend. It was a scary journey last semester, but ended with good results (I am getting married in August). Too be honest, that scares me too–how good of a wife will I be? Knowing my personality, will I be overbearing, demanding, taking him on a roller coaster ride?

But, has been affecting me the past few weeks. I want to do well in my classes, but working on two separate unit plans, completing a 28 page history paper, creating a classroom management handbook, filing paper work for my student teaching internship, working 3 jobs, and planning a wedding has almost done me in. My writing unit plan is particularly stressful. I consider myself a good writer, and thought this would be easy. Boy was I mistaken. It reminds me of the first day I stepped into my creative writing classroom as a sophomore in high school. We wrote poems based off a prompt. I expected to do well and receive praise–that’s all I had received either online or by my parents. What I got back was a fat “C.” But, through Renard’s amazing teaching, my skill jumped in the next three years. So, I feel the same way now–I am two kinds of writing tutor, I love writing (academic and creative). A writing unit plan should be easy-peazy. LIE! It’s so hard. I’ve even talked to my professor, but that hasn’t helped my fear enough–it helped some, just not enough.

Yesterday, I wanted to just give up on it. That is how I handle things I am afraid at failing at–I just give up on it. Not doing it at all is better than trying, putting in all your effort and failing, right? I give up on things. Earlier this week, my stress reached its peak and I forgot to blog for a day. Then, I was too tired the next day. So, I gave up on the 3rd day.

Even today, as I was feeling this stressed and down about my self-confidence and ability, I overheard my co-workers’ conversation. We are all writing tutors for the social science college, so we are all expected to be pretty far in our major as well as have good GPA’s. Mine right now is a 3.78 out of 4. I thought that was pretty good. Until I heard their discussion…3.84 and 3.86. One spent $20 on a language test to get 8 credits, but ended with an A- and told the administration not to count it because it would bring her GPA down. I would have excepted it in an instant–an A- on one of BYU’s language test-outs? Then, I looked at my transcript since freshman year. Mostly A’s and A-‘s. A few B+’s. Then, that glaring C+ from my History 220 class. I am a history major–1st part of American History should be easy, right? After my first poor quiz grade and poor paper grade, I went to talk to the professor and did all she suggested. I talked to her numerous times, but no matter what I did that she told me to do, my grade never rose. It made me feel inadequate.

Now, I am teaching 7th and 8th graders next year. Throughout all my teaching classes, I’ve heard stories of amazing teachers. I am deathly afraid. What if I can’t inspire my students? What if I can’t reach them? What if they don’t care about my class? What if I don’t know enough about my subject? I am afraid.

This weekend, I think I will pray for bravery. I will continue because I persevere–I do what I have to. But, that does nothing for my attitude. I am afraid. I am scared. I am not confident at all. Not for anything in the next two week, not for the summer, not for the fall.

Tayler is a work at home mom. She does free lance articles and dabbles in graphic design and virtual assisting for bloggers. She spent 3 years as a history and English teacher. Her passions are her husband, two children, history, reading, nature, and her Savior, Jesus Christ.

New Year's Resolutions 2012

This year has been a whirlwind for me. In the spring, I ended the school year by saying goodbye to two of the best roommates I have ever had as they moved out. One graduated and now works for a local newstation. The other is student teaching in a nearby city. I have only seen them a handful of times since April and everytime was like Christmas!

Over the summer, I stayed in Provo over the summer for the first time instead of going home. It was just Danielle and I in the house we rent. I kind of liked it. Danielle is my best friend and a wonderful roommate and we had some very peaceful evenings. I also biked up and down the Provo River numerous times–I came to love Provo in the spring/summer. I was also an EFY counselor for the first time ever. The best job I have ever had.

The fall came with some bumps. Danielle and I got 3 new roommates, some of which we clash terribly with. Just different personalities than we have. We have some fun times though. I had decided not to date anyone or go looking for boys, but I found myself in a wonderful relationship nonetheless. I lagged a lot with my habits–sleeping, procrastinating, eating, working out, etc.

Here are last year’s resolutions:
– As always, I will keep a GPA higher than 3.7
This I succeeded in. I ended the semester with my highest GPA yet: 3.93, giving me an overall GPA of 3.78!
– As always, I will work out 5 days a week and keep my ideal weight.
I did wel until the summer, then going back and forth from EFY, I kind of failed and definitely failed in the fall.
– I will do more charity and service this year.
I began indexing and love doing it–an easy way to do temple work and civil service at the same time.
– I will BE the right person – the kind of friend I want, the kind of homemaker I should be, etc.
I think I have done well with this.
– I will continue stepping out of my box socially.
I definitely stepped out of my box in the summer–not only within my apartment complex, but as an EFY counselor as well.
– I will study Welsh for at least 1 hour a week.
Eh, I did join a Welsh reading and translation class for the fall.

So, I did ok on my resolutions. However, I think that this year, I will try something different because this year will be full of changes to my life anyway:
I will not have New Year’s Resolutions.
Instead, I will have New Year’s Goals. You see, the reason we never keep our New Year’s Resolutions is because we aren’t held accountable for them. But goals are SMART.

S – specific, significant, stretching
M – measurable, meaningful, motivational
A – agreed upon, attainable, achievable, acceptable, action-oriented
R – realistic, relevant, reasonable, rewarding, results-oriented
T – time-based, timely, tangible, trackable

So, here are my 2012 Goals:

Socially
~ Attend all FHE’s on Monday nights.
~ Do 100% Visiting Teaching for the whole year.

Academically
~ Study and do my best as to keep a GPA of 3.7 or higher
~ Study Welsh for at least 30 min each week.
~ Read for myself at least 20 min each day.
~ Blog at least once a week.
~ Work on my novel for at least 45 min a week.

Physically
~ Workout/run 5 days a week.
~ Maintain my goal weight (sorry, you don’t get to hear that!)
~ Cook 1 new meal a month using a new recipe

Spiritually
~ Read my scriptures every morning.
~ Go to the temple at least once a month.

So, I know it seems like a lot, but they’re all little things. Wish me luck!
Tayler is a work at home mom. She does free lance articles and dabbles in graphic design and virtual assisting for bloggers. She spent 3 years as a history and English teacher. Her passions are her husband, two children, history, reading, nature, and her Savior, Jesus Christ.

2011 New Year's Resolutions

This past year has been full of adventure – I ended the last school year poorly in the social realm, albeit great in the academic realm. I traveled to Great Britain during the summer. In the fall, I moved into a house and had all new roommates.

I did pretty well for 2010’s resolutions:
– For the most part of the year, I worked out, though, I faltered near the end of the year.
– I did dress for success – in the Winter semester, I had to for my Secondary Education class, but this Fall semester, I decided to keep the tradition.
– Winter semester, I gained a 3.89 GPA, Summer I got a 4.0, and this Fall, I got a 3.78.
– I was plenty sociable – the hardest part was this semester, without my previous roommates leading the way in social life. But, I was able to occasionally step out of my box.
– For the most part, I was able to keep my living area cleaned – in my house now, I don’t mind doing the dishes all the time, or scrubbing the bathroom if needs be.
– I still need to do better early to bed and early to rise.
– I have not spent time every week doing charity or service.

This year, I want to continue the foundation stones I laid in 2010.
– As always, I will keep a GPA higher than 3.7
– As always, I will work out 5 days a week and keep my ideal weight.
– I will do more chairty and service this year.
– I will BE the right person – the kind of friend I want, the kind of homemaker I should be, etc.
– I will continue stepping out of my box socially.
– I will study Welsh for at least 1 hour a week.

Tayler is a work at home mom. She does free lance articles and dabbles in graphic design and virtual assisting for bloggers. She spent 3 years as a history and English teacher. Her passions are her husband, two children, history, reading, nature, and her Savior, Jesus Christ.

New Year's Resolutions

It is the end of another year. The third decade of my life begins now – the first was of childhood, the second of teen years, now, my first decade as an adult.

This year has been full of changes for me – I ended my first year of college and began my second. I started a job that will help me toward my career. Friends have been married, gone on missions, came and gone out of my life. I, myself, have changed. But, reminiscing on the year, I’ve come to realize that the progress I have made was just the first stretch.

These year’s resolutions are going to deal with improving me, for my sake and for whoever else may come into my life.

I want to get better – I will get better this year. (It will help that my roommate is as determined as I am!)

-I WILL workout 5 out of 7 days a week and stay with my ideal weight
-I WILL dress for success – including taking time to do my hair nicely – no ponytails and no t-shirts
-I WILL get all A’s and B’s and keep my GPA above a 3.7 (to stay in Honors) – even if it means staying on campus to get homework done
-I WILL be more sociable – no more shying away to my room – I will meet new people and jump right in.
-I WILL keep my apartment clean – it looks so much better and is less stressful
-I WILL go to bed and wake up everyday at a determined time
-I WILL spend time every week giving service or doing charity work

-I WILL be the super girl I want to be. The one that is able to balance college honors classes, two jobs, Sunday school class, and a social life. The one who is always dressed nicely. The one every one wants to invite over or hang out with. The one that can hold her head up high and know she has succeeded in life. I WILL be the One that will be able be proud of herself and how she presents herself.

This year will be different and it will be a turning point as I go from being a teenager into an adult. This year I will experience the beginning of training for my career (hist teaching classes), long-term friendships (renewing my apartment contract), saying goodbye to family (staying at college over the summer), and studying abroad (going to Wales in the summer). This year will be exciting and I WILL face it with determination and optimism.

THAT is my resolution.

Tayler is a work at home mom. She does free lance articles and dabbles in graphic design and virtual assisting for bloggers. She spent 3 years as a history and English teacher. Her passions are her husband, two children, history, reading, nature, and her Savior, Jesus Christ.