Tag Archives: introvert

Bloggers Can Have Social Anxiety, Too

A lot of introverts have social anxiety. That can include bloggers, especially when it comes to in-real-life blogger events and networking activities. Here are four tips to help through that.

I have anxiety. I have always had anxiety. Growing up, it was mainly stressing over school work and just life as a whole. But, what I didn’t realize was I also had social anxiety. I wasn’t necessarily an introvert, but I always stressed if I was likable. Did my friends really like me? Do they want to hang out with me? I was always unsure of my standing with others.

When I went to college, I began to realize I was actually an introvert. No longer did I live in a place where I had friends since elementary school and automatic similar interests like being on the same sports team or in the same class. I had two very extroverted roommates my freshman and sophomore year. It helped me ease into making friends. Then, my junior and senior year, I had an introverted friend like myself. Thankfully, I found Justin, who is very extroverted.

social anxiety

But, he noticed early on in our relationship, I’m kind of shy and inward when meeting new people. I never really noticed it until then! And here, I had gone 22 years thinking I was an extrovert! But, as I began to experience some major anxiety with school and PPD, I realized my social anxiety getting worse.

It has been the worst these past two years. At big, noisy events, I can only stand to be there so long, even with friends. At events where I don’t really know anyone, I literally start shaking and start coming up with excuses to leave early.

It may not seem like I am an introvert online. I share a lot here on this blog. I’m not afraid to network or put myself out there. But, I’m behind a screen.

I’ll probably shock you, because you may not realize it, but a lot of your favorite bloggers are actually introverted!!! Continue Reading

Tayler is a work at home mom. She does free lance articles and dabbles in graphic design and virtual assisting for bloggers. She spent 3 years as a history and English teacher. Her passions are her husband, two children, history, reading, nature, and her Savior, Jesus Christ.

Quiet: The Power of Introverts in a World That Can’t Stop Talking

Today, I am co-hosting Bonnie’s Book Club and we’ll be discussing Quiet: The Power of Introverts in a World That Can’t Stop Talking by Susan Cain.

quiet

I was really interested in this book because I consider myself an introvert. However, I’ve always been ashamed of it because I used to be more extroverted as a child. But, once I hit college, I became introverted. And, we all know the derogatory stereotyping of introverts.

Cain’s purpose in this book is to describe and explain the psychology of introverts and extroverts, and what is at their center. She wants to show how introverts are undervalued and how we can help them see their potential and learn to work with them.

What I Liked About the Book

Cain does a very good job explaining how the minds and personalities of introverts and extroverts are different. She is also very easy to read (except for a few parts). I was able to place myself and my husband into the roles of introvert and extrovert, which made it more compelling. She described what motivates the two different groups, how shyness and anxiety come into place, the difference between personality and temperament, and how there is an elasticity reach.

I liked learning about famous people who happened to be introverts, like Eleanor Roosevelt and Gandhi.

I am so happy she mentioned extrovertism and evangelicalism. Cain met with a few in the Evangelical church who were self-proclaimed introverts. They had a hard time feeling like they fit in because the Evangelical church is all about shouting their faith from the mountaintops and proclaiming to the world. These introverts didn’t feel welcome at the church because they were quieter, didn’t like the mega-church setting, and had a hard time sharing their testimonies with others. And it made them feel bad. It made them feel like they weren’t as good of Christians as other Evangelicals. It was interesting to relate that to Mormons. I truly believe in my Church. I share my faith on this blog. But, if asked to go with missionaries to help preach the Gospel door-to-door…I’d rather claim I was sick!

Cain also brought up introverts in a school setting. I loved that she spent almost two whole chapters dedicated to introverted youth. She was very careful in her proclamations that the way education is set up, especially with group learning being a key focus. I was glad to know that in my experience of teaching I catered well to introverts.

What I Didn’t Like About the Book

Cain, herself, is a self-proclaimed introvert. And she obviously wanted to show the power of introverts. But, although she had a lot of sources and studies, she was pretty biased. She made sweeping generalizations that introverts are smarter and more creative and extroverts are rash and just bombastic.

There were sometimes that the scientific studies were hard to understand.

I wish she would have talked about any relationship and effect confidence had on being an introvert or extrovert.

It also sometimes got confusing when she mentioned all the different people she interviewed. She would go back and forth between interviews to prove her point for that specific chapters, and go back and forth between using last names and first names.

What I Learned

I learned a lot about myself from this book. I could write a large report about all my thoughts–we had a straight two hour talk about this book at our In Real Life book club on Tuesday night, with no breaks or breathers at all! And, we could’ve gone longer!

The biggest pull away was the fact that being an introvert doesn’t necessarily mean you are a recluse and anti-social and that being extroverted means you always have to be the center of attention. Cain kept going back to the clarifying point that what makes the two is where they get their energy from. Stimuli, like activity, noise, people, images, etc. makes extroverts. They get excited and full of energy from social events. Whereas, introverts get re-energized from being a lone, in-depth conversations, reading, soft sounds, sleep, etc. People drain them. I definitely am an introvert, and have always been so, according to this definition because I always feel re-energized reading, or listening to soundtracks, or being in nature and going to group activities drain me.

The other thing that I pulled away is that people don’t necessarily change. Their environment and situation changes, but their temperaments don’t, and being an extrovert or introvert are part of temperament. That means, I have always been an introvert. But, I wonder if my anxiety disorder, which has gotten worse the older I have gotten, played a part in me pulling away from extroverted tendencies.

Cain also mentioned that there is a spectrum of introversion and extroversion. I’m not super introverted–I do enjoy hanging out with friends, going to parties, and getting out of the house. But, after a certain amount of time, I am done. Whereas, my friend, Aubrey, is super extroverted and hates any down-time she has. Cain also shows that you can be more extroverted in different situations. I have never been nervous giving a lesson or talk in church. I have never been nervous teaching or while I was being observed for teaching evaluations. You may even say I am very comfortable in the front of a classroom. But, put me at a table of people I don’t know, I get nervous and don’t know what to say.

I really loved this book, and wrote a lot in the margins, and I’m sure I’ll go back and re-read it every now and then.

Make sure you check out Bonnie’s review tomorrow!

Link up your reviews of Quiet here!

Tayler is a work at home mom. She does free lance articles and dabbles in graphic design and virtual assisting for bloggers. She spent 3 years as a history and English teacher. Her passions are her husband, two children, history, reading, nature, and her Savior, Jesus Christ.

Extroverted Introvert

What do you consider yourself: an extrovert or an introvert?

I am an introverted extrovert...or an extroverted introvert

Growing up, I considered myself an extrovert. My mom used to say that I could make friends very easily. And I did. I also was very outspoken about my opinions, and always had a say at school. I was also involved in many sports and activities.

But, something happened when I went to college. I became quieter. I started listening and watching more rather than being an active participant. I would follow my roommates, rather than create and host event myself. I wouldn’t jump into the foray. That is, until I got to know people well enough.

With my roommates, I was wild and crazy, and all of us never shut up. But, when it came to a big party, I tended to stay in a corner. But, then, again, in class, I was willing to actively participate in not only class discussion, but group discussions as well. I even became an EFY counselor, and they are known for being wild and crazy. I was!

It’s so interesting the dichotomy. I have no problem whatsoever getting up in front of a classroom and teaching (as well as being kooky while doing it) or giving a spiritual talk or lesson at church. I have no problem taking the lead on group projects. And, obviously, I have no problem with putting myself out there on the internet. But, when I go to blogger meetups, I tend to be quiet and make myself oblivious. When Justin and I go to parties, I tend to cling onto him, and let him take the socializing reigns.

I love being with other people, but I hate big crowds–it makes me a little nervous. I love talking with others and having a grand ol’ time, but I hate initiating conversations. So, I tend to call myself an extroverted introvert.

But, one of my goals this year, to be more intentional is to try to initiate conversations, participate more in church discussions, be more open and friendly rather than try not to bring attention to myself. I want to become an extroverted extrovert. I also want to put my phone away when I’m with people…because I’m an introvert, I tend to turn to my phone as an “escape”. But, I want to be more present and involved.

<cebterWhat do you consider yourself? How do you handle yourself in a small group of friends vs a new larger group of people?

Tayler is a work at home mom. She does free lance articles and dabbles in graphic design and virtual assisting for bloggers. She spent 3 years as a history and English teacher. Her passions are her husband, two children, history, reading, nature, and her Savior, Jesus Christ.