I have anxiety. I have always had anxiety. Growing up, it was mainly stressing over school work and just life as a whole. But, what I didn’t realize was I also had social anxiety. I wasn’t necessarily an introvert, but I always stressed if I was likable. Did my friends really like me? Do they want to hang out with me? I was always unsure of my standing with others.
When I went to college, I began to realize I was actually an introvert. No longer did I live in a place where I had friends since elementary school and automatic similar interests like being on the same sports team or in the same class. I had two very extroverted roommates my freshman and sophomore year. It helped me ease into making friends. Then, my junior and senior year, I had an introverted friend like myself. Thankfully, I found Justin, who is very extroverted.
But, he noticed early on in our relationship, I’m kind of shy and inward when meeting new people. I never really noticed it until then! And here, I had gone 22 years thinking I was an extrovert! But, as I began to experience some major anxiety with school and PPD, I realized my social anxiety getting worse.
It has been the worst these past two years. At big, noisy events, I can only stand to be there so long, even with friends. At events where I don’t really know anyone, I literally start shaking and start coming up with excuses to leave early.
It may not seem like I am an introvert online. I share a lot here on this blog. I’m not afraid to network or put myself out there. But, I’m behind a screen.